Prayer Part 2: Unanswered Prayer

Last week I laid some foundation for a discussion about prayer. With this small amount of background, let’s turn our attention to what seems to be the most troublesome aspect of prayer: “getting answers.” When I was a pastor, grieving folks commonly asked me, “Why didn’t God answer my prayer?” At the same time, others would thank God for answering their prayer that a loved one would recover from an illness. Was God answering some prayers while leaving others unanswered? This was not a new question. Over the years, the Church has tried to make sense of what seems to some to be a kind of capriciousness on God’s part or an approach by God that seems to ignore several of Jesus' sayings. On the whole, the Church doesn't do ambiguity well and so its theologians have gotten busy trying to firm up what's going on.

Here are three of the “answers” that have been offered to answer such questions.

First, Matthew 21:22, And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith, has been offered as the key. Since the final clause is about the faith of the person who prayed, if a prayer is unanswered, then it follows that the person who prayed lacked enough faith. This can become a huge problem for the person who prays, say for the healing of one who ultimately dies. The one who prayed can feel terrible guilt; I know—I’ve counseled with people who had exactly this experience. “If only I had more faith, then my loved one wouldn’t have died.” Here, the issue isn’t God’s unwillingness or inability to answer, but our lack of faith somehow didn't measure up and God is not compelled to give what we ask. This is the “It’s all my fault” solution.

Second, what we prayed for was not in alignment with what God believes we truly need. The text example that supports this is Matthew 6:8, Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. We pray for some apparently good thing and we do not receive it. But, the argument goes, God knew what was best for the one who prayed and it wasn’t that for which he/she prayed. God chose not to give us what was not in alignment with his best interest or will for us. This idea has taught us to emulate Jesus and end our prayers with, “Not my will but yours be done.” This is what we might call the “Father knows best” solution. When we don't receive that for which we asked, we can say, "But God knows what best even if I don't and don't understand."

Third, the argument goes, our prayers were answered, just not in the way we had wished. This is another example “Father knows best” solution and has several other ways it can be cast; I'm including four. One is that if God has answered the prayer the way we wished, it would bring us harm we didn’t foresee, even though we prayed for something good. We prayed that there would be a seat available on a flight we were desperate to take, but there wasn’t. Then the plane crashed. [This creates an entirely different kind of dilemmas we’ll save for another day.] 

A second is, our prayer wasn’t answered, but it was because God has something greater in store for us. Had Jesus been on time and healed Lazarus, his sisters wouldn’t have witnessed Jesus’ power when Lazarus was resurrected from the dead.

A third is, we prayed for things where a “yes” is impossible. Another believer prayed for the opposite good thing creating an impossible situation for God.

Finally, a fourth,and a particularly common one, is that God has said “wait” rather than “yes” or “no.” The prayer was answered, it's just that God’s sense of time, it is often said, is not like ours. [Again, this creates an entirely different problem for a later discussion.] 

These “solutions” for apparently unanswered prayer essentially seem to have as their purpose to protect the notion of God as one who always answers prayers in a benevolent way, even if the benevolence isn’t clear to us.

The basic dilemma then, is what does it mean to have a prayer answered? These solutions may be helpful, but they don't seem to square with John’s report of Jesus saying “If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” Though Jesus taught us by example to add “Your will be done,” when he taught the Lord’s Prayer, you will notice that phrase isn’t present and he indeed, asks for specifics, i.e., daily bread, forgiveness of sin, protection from evil.

Perhaps now you can see why last week I posted some definitions of prayer. Depending on which you select, you have more or fewer dilemmas about God’s response to prayer. If you select “Prayer changes the one who prays,” then your prayer may be less for specific “things” from God, such as healing, or good grades, or your daily bread, and more for a sense of peace with what comes or a sense of strength or courage to face what comes.  If we have no universally agreed upon definition of what prayer is, it becomes difficult to assess what it means to have a prayer answered or believe it wasn’t answered.

I confess to not having the answers about this. I also confess that the shape of my own prayers has changed as I have struggled with what I think prayer “really” is. But, I’m not going to tell you which definition you should choose or which I choose. It does matter though.

More fun with prayer on the next post. 

Prayerfully, Jerry